I been thinkin about peaceful environments...
i been styin at this place...
the dog barks
the bird squawks
the roomates listen to howard stern
there's some nice things too tho
noone smokes
there's food
shower
i'm treated pretty well in general
but i'm on the train now - and...
was just thinkin how its really my type of thing
because i feel peaceful here in this train.
I don't fully know why
but i know that i don't like cars.
It dosn't really matter why a whole lot -
I mean - i'm satisfied that i like the train
but i tend to want to know how things work so...
I could say its because i dont have to tal to anyone
Or because I get my own huge seat
Or because the scenery is nice...
riding a little bit above most everything else
or because there is no traffic to stress about
or because theres no radio to stress over
speaking of that - i just put on some headphones
listening to Pat Metheny - Letter From Home
He's one of my all time favorite musicians.
His music is sorta like... rythmic dream scapes.
...with a jazz edge
So Im on the train - heading for NYC
wow it seems like such a romantic notion
with my favorite music playing
I don't listen to music very much.
I dont realy know know
I do know that im very sensitive to music tho.
I really need to listen more.
I just think ill listen to stuff that i know i like.
The experimental days
the days of tollerating music
those days are factually fading...
yet, my mind is opening.
I'm learning who i am -
what parts of me i can accept
I need to always choose that path
that will acend my spirit
Because its up to me
in the hard times
in the dark times
to choose to be strong
and in the light and bright times
to choose to take it in
not resist the good path
the good stuff
the stuff i like
the stuff that I feed on.
The water is out the window
with power lines above it
I really love it here
I love writing
I love being romantic about life.
We're just about to hoboken now
That's where I'm gonna get off -
and maybe make some phone calls.
I also need to find my little mp3 player
at home for later - i already looked ones
so I'll have to listen on my laptop
till i find it.
Did i ever tell you about the time i started writing?
I dont know. I think i was 14.
I mean really writing - from the heart.
I sought to find my truth.
I was learning music...
I was learning about myself
I was struggling
it wasn't easy at all.
A little rusty, formless at first.
Then of course, it started getting easier.
I started to feel more
I have a habit of shutting down my head
I have a habit of seeing everything around me
but not feeling what I see.
Music really helps that
Ya know.. I've done LSD and I'm not ashamed of that...
it helped me to shake my head, to see what I seldom could see
to know about this substance... called trippy
romantic feelings, spirit feelings
intagibles, metaphisics
trippy
but not silly.
We are all blind and bound.
In some grave way.
Life,
My past experiences,
Friends
people i have met and run into
NEW EXPERIENCES
new feelings
adventure
exploration
experimentation
I dont care anymore... about what people think
but i have to admit -
they don't always recieve me well
Even when I am honest
Even when i know I am being true
Even when I know I am a part of that thing called Love
Even when i mean no real harm
Yeah sometimes i speak challenging things -
and thats why
some poeple reject me or speak against me
thats ok
I choose to challenge sometimes.
I sometimes get tired of the normal range of safety
I sometimes want to ask someone to go
on an adventure with me.
This train ride seems longer than its ever been
I've also enjoyed it more than I've ever enjoyed it.
I am starting to feel at home.
Maybe one day I will feel that I have a home... again.
Of course, I miss my home
with mom and dad and all that.
I have 3 older brothers too - and I guess I miss them
But I am 30 - and yet, so young.
I have much to learn
much to begin to appreciate.
Ok I think we are here - i gotta turn off the laptop
and head out to panera bread!
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