When You Don't Answer

You make me feel stupid when you dont answer me
When I tell you something and you stay silent
I'm not acknowledged or important
You try to make my words go away by ignoring them

You make me feel like my older brothers did when they would ignore me
They were bigger than me, better than me
I was in need of communication and they just pushed me away
I've found a life where I'm respected - except by you when you don't answer

Like an avalanche my confidence comes crashing down, down to your level
Once sliding, i can't seem to stop, until all my virtue has been raped from me
But every day i try again, and i get up with hope that we will see eye to eye
All i hope is for you not to stay silent

When you're silent sometimes it makes me want to yell
Sometimes it makes me want to leave you
Because of the way i feel it makes me plan an escape everyday
I don't feel important in any good way

Sometimes i wonder what words your hiding
Or what thoughts you can't find words for
Sometimes i think you don't have any thoughts any more
Because you've given up on yourself as a succesful mate

I wonder why we're together
I wonder why we try
When we don't hear ear to ear
And we don't see eye to eye

You make my life become a really bad plotless movie
It has no moral and no heros
It's just a tizzy of emotions and fighting
We make up sometimes for a while

You're my girlfriend and most of the time I can't stand you
You say you love me but i don't see it
You say one thing and those words don't stand up
You need, you want, you expect, you judge

Everything you accuse me of it's something you hate about yourself
You keep silent most of the time, and i walk away yelling at my life and hitting walls
I think of all your failed relationships and I grow less confused about why
You seem to focus on the end and you can't live in the now

I try to talk to you about your life
I try to tell you about mine
I try to talk about the issues in my heart
And you don't answer

I hate you for this sometimes
I hate you for it
...

Why should you change? I try and try and you say you're trying to
We've both "tried" so we say - and both have failed
I haven't reached you and you don't want me to
You're afraid to give me what we both need - vulnerability

At the end of this letter, I'm sickened, by the place I've allowed myself to be in
I'm disgusted by our lack of love and lack of effort
I'm tired of my life being so generic, so stale
I'm angry at you for not feeling the way it hurts me

You don't talk about your feelings unless you're mad
You expect failure from your first word
You defend yourself in your tone of voice
You whine every request before i have a chance to serve you happily

I'm tired of writing this neverending blackness
Maybe i can just turn away and shut up
Maybe I can be more like you