boxes of mollassas

I'm in my girlfriends house packin my stuff in anything i can find. I remember how someone once got kicked out of the hotel i was stayin in - he waited and waied to move out because he didn't have his rent and finaly he got physically removed - and all his stuff got stacked up by the side of the road. Nothing was in boxes and it was a pitiful sight. I didn't feel bad for the guy tho - if anything i was afraid to go near him or his shameful pile of cheap sorry crap. Well I can relate to anyone who has ever had to pack up and move. It always been a fact of my life.
There are not really many hard feelings about what I'm doing right now. I don't have a place to go but that never stopped me before. My only tie to civilization right now is that I have an obligation to play on new years eve. Thank goodness its only from 6pm to 10pm. I hate that whole happy new year moment. It's like - what is there to celebrate? That the old year that really sucked is over? That's what it seems like to me. You dont know if he next year will be good. At least from a materialistic standpoint... or a superficial point of view. I can tell you one thing - i dont wanna be stuck wandering the streets without a job. If I'm gonna be in society, I want a job and i want to enjoy life. I could easily move to the forest as well. It's free to live in the national forests. I could move from forest to forest if I chose to do so. It might be a little boring but I could find things to do I'm sure. There's always the problem of girls tho. I've told myself I can be happy without that game in my life. But just by thinking about girls and wishing i was playing the game is bad enough. Right now I am in the thick of it...
The whole thing about being in this relationship right now is that I feel like I'm trapped in molassas. It's like - I can't prove I'm trapped - because I can move around - but its just very restricting. Sure there are some ok moments... just like anything - but I can't meet my dearest goals and needs. Most of my needs that I cannot meet are emotional and artistic lifestyle goals. A little bit of freedom, mobility, expression, ego and pride, and rebellion... and exploration. It's amazing how everyone feels like they get trapped. I mean to ask once again some new questions to people face to face - "When do you feel that others put you in a box?" "What about molassas?" I had some other thoughts in mind as well but right now I have not been able to remember. In the past i have asked "What makes you happy?" But anyways... At least right now I dont feel like things are nearly as bad as they were. I got involved with this girl, and have not really been happy since. It's been nothing but a challenge and a growing experience. I dont wanna be burned out and run down by this - I wanna be shined and polished from it. I wanna ring like a polished brass bell. I want to be able to breath when i think of my life, as i breath when my room or space is cleaned. Sometimes life can feel cluttered, dirty and cumbersome. It can take a long time to learn to ignore the dust under the rug or the broken toys behind the curtain. Until they are gone and cleaned in reality, they can always be an encumbrance. I dont wanna be constantly looking over my shoulder at my life behind me. I have to live in peace. Even if and when it would require sacrifice. When I am traveling - in life, in my mind or in the physical, I tend to travel light. I know the importance of choosing carefully what to give away, what to keep and what to leave behind.
So now, i must return to my task. Some things that have been really nice lately are this Yerba Mate infusion drink and my new hat. My girlfriend does some great things for me - but I will not push her beyond her level of comfort because she is very busy with school and work and needs my support. But I am going through many challenges and must try to function and make choices that are best for us both because she is sensitive to my moves.